What’s the first thing you think when you hear the word “discipline?” Is it Jocko Willink talking about waking up early every morning? What about David Goggins running a 200+ mile race and attributing it to his discipline?

The truth is, men like these are extreme examples of those who embody discipline. There is merit to it, but it isn’t the end-all, be-all example of the term.

Discipline is described as doing what needs to be done when the motivation, or the spark, has faded. It’s continuing to do the difficult things, day-in and day-out regardless of how difficult life gets or how bad you feel. But it’s important to remember that it still doesn’t have to be perfect.

Like anything, consistency will always triumph over perfection. This is because true perfection doesn’t exist. There isn’t a single person who has ever existed that has not made a single mistake. So that means discipline cannot be married to perfection.

I feel like a lot of people take these relatively extreme examples of discipline and attempt to apply them to their own lives under the premise that they are not enough. But if this is what their yearning for discipline stems from, it’s a prime recipe for burnout.

You don’t want your discipline rooted in self-punishment. You don’t want a voice in your head that sounds like a disappointed coach or a critical parent who’s never satisfied. That’s you, using fear and shame as a tool to ignite your discipline. But like negative reinforcement, it eventually hits a wall. It’s a short-term fuel, and you’re always going to be topping off the tank with negativity and self-criticism, failing to give yourself the slightest pat on the back for fear that you’ll regress.

This doesn’t set you up for success. It sets you up for failure.

You want your discipline rooted in self-respect. It’s the belief that you are worth the effort and uses consistent action as the expression of that belief.

Think of someone in your life, anyone, who has been there to support you by building you up when you’re down, but not letting you off the hook when you start to slip. That’s who the voice in your head needs to be. This work is fueled by the love and compassion for yourself, and the fact that you have so much respect for what you have to show that you won’t let yourself slide. And if you do, you’ll reel it back in.

This is best done by assessing what happens when you fail.

Self-punishment when missing a workout: “You’re pathetic. You did this last week, too. You’ll never be good enough if you keep this up.”

Discipline with self-respect when missing a workout: “That’s not who I am. I’ll get it done tomorrow and assess my time management to make sure I can control it as much as I can.”

Who would you rather have as a mentor? The former, or the latter? I’m betting the latter.

So, be that guy.

Think of a time where you recently failed. And think of what your self-talk was like in that situation? Was it the critical parent, or that person who will pump you up but won’t let you slide?

The answer will tell you what you’re using to fuel your discipline.