What is self-worth? How do we quantify it, and what do we do with that knowledge?

Self-worth is the internal, unconditional belief that you are valuable, lovable, and deserving of respect, regardless of achievements or external validation.

Know your worth. And let other people know that you know your worth.

Here’s an example:

You’re a client paying for a personal training service. Are you receiving the effort you expect from the coach? If they aren’t giving you the same effort they are to everyone else, or for what they’re charging, they’re discounting your worth. And so are you if you stick with them. It would be in your best interest to get out of there and find someone who will value what you bring to the table.

Knowing your worth will keep you from being taken advantage of, let others know you’re strong-willed, and open up more doors than you could think of.

I spent a lot of my adolescence battling with a poor level of self-worth. And that led to me not truly respecting myself and what I was fully capable of. Yes, I’m happy where life has taken me, but along the way I missed countless opportunities to learn and grow. One negative comment and my internal dialogue would be, “Damnit, Jeff, of course you’d fuck that up.” 

Beating yourself up a bit or some self-deprecating humor is normal. But what isn’t normal is doing it over and over again and letting it define you as a person. That’s where I was. I was letting my own internal dialogue echo the external things that I couldn’t control. So, what did I do about it?

Like the Stoics teach, I had to realize the difference between the internal and external things. The internal are in my control, and the external are not. My judgments, attitude, character, and effort are all things that I can control. Other people, some outcomes, and timing are all things that I do not have control over.

Simple things like positive affirmations and daily gratitude exercises helped immensely. I eventually found myself spending time with more of the right people—those who challenged me to become a better person. They provided constructive criticism instead of harmful ridicule. As you age, you realize there are those who fill your cup, and those who take from it. The ones you really want to keep around will not make you feel like you’d be nothing without them; they’re the ones who let you know you could take on the world if it was called for.

It’s important to note that you choose who you spend your time with. You need to think, “Does this person deserve me as a friend?” Because as selfish as it sounds, you know that you bring so much to the table, you want to receive the same love and respect in return. Or course, it isn’t zero sum, and there shouldn’t be a score. But you’ll know who deserves to spend time with you, just as they’ll know on their end. 

Not acknowledging your worth and not respecting what you deserve is an absolute disservice to everything you’re destined to become in this life.

There’s more out there for you, and you deserve more than what you’re giving yourself credit for.

Revisiting the question of how we quantify it, the answer is that you simply cannot. There’s no objective way to put self-worth into numbers, but you can think of it on a scale of more or less. But you can still do an audit of what you’re self-worth.

Ask yourself these questions:

Who in my life fills my cup? Who in my life takes from it, and who doesn’t do anything for it?

Do I respect myself enough to stray from those who do nothing for me?

I feel that answering these will provide you with great insight into where you lie on your own scale of self-worth.