In five years, you will be gone.

Okay, hopefully not. But we’re using this as a lens to look through. It’s daunting, isn’t it? The thought of your own funeral. Maybe that’s why we don’t think about it.

But what if we did? What if we thought about it in a way that made us live more fully than we’re living today? 

That’s the purpose of this. It’s to bring light to the fact that we aren’t living the way we’d choose to be living if we knew our time was even more limited.

So, let’s think about it — your funeral, I mean.

Who is going to be there? What are they going to say about you? What will it look like, and how long will it last? These are all valid questions, but I feel that the real question is: Will they be talking about the ‘what,’ or the ‘who?’Newsletter content.

David Brooks talks about two types of virtues: resume and eulogy virtues.

The resume virtues are the surface level things that we tend to prioritize, and they describe what we are. These focus on external achievements, and are exemplified by your skills, accomplishments, and wealth. They’re your social currency, per se. They can be used to build your status, attain a position, or allow you to be recognized for your expertise.

Eulogy virtues, on the other hand, are who you are. They’re the deep, spiritual traits we often fail to recognize and embody. These focus on your inner character and personal relationships. They can be characterized by traits such as kindness, bravery, and honesty — the building blocks of your moral character.

Resume virtues build on your strengths, where eulogy virtues build on your weaknesses. It’s worth noting that in this context, we’re referencing weakness as the inner character traits we are lacking.

“All cruelty springs from weakness.” – Seneca

Seneca’s right. A person with poor eulogy virtues has made little effort into improving their respective weaknesses. In turn, what good can be said about them at their funeral? I feel that alone is a question worth its weight in gold.

In a world that invites us to amplify our resume virtues with positive reinforcement, it’s becoming less and less common to encounter someone of good, true moral character. Today’s society doesn’t put much stock in that, which makes it even more of a rarity. 

This is where you can stand out, and this is where the 5-year funeral practice comes in. If you had 5 years to work on your eulogy virtues, to truly work on your inner character, which weaknesses would you tackle? You aren’t doing it because you want someone to say nice things about you, you’re doing it because you want to be a good person while you’re here.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t focus on your resume virtues. Please, keep doing so. But make it a point to not forget about the eulogy virtues. Build a meaningful character, and that will take you further than resume virtues ever will.

So, let’s bring this back to the questions proposed earlier in this newsletter about your funeral. Think about how it would look today, and think about how you would want it to look five years from now.

The difference is where you need to focus.

Write your five-year eulogy, then reverse-engineer it.

Spend some time on this, and put your notes somewhere you can reference them regularly.

Do better. Be better.