Loyalty is the only virtue we never accuse of going too far.

Think about it. You’ve probably heard someone referred to as too brave (reckless), too generous (a pushover), or too honest (cruel), but you’ve rarely heard of someone referred to as being too loyal. 

This is why it’s so easy to fall into this trap. It has no concrete stopping point, and is a socially acceptable way to disappear. Nobody chooses this. It’s the guilt of scaling back that keeps you in.

The cost of this is much more than what you see on the surface. Before you realize it, you’ve allowed your loyalty to rob you of your time with family, erode your happiness due to the lack of simple pleasures, and prevent you from pursuing your biggest ambitions.

Seneca reminds us of this in his essay On the Shortness of Life. He uses the term occupati, the preoccupied, people so consumed with obligation that they only get around to living when there’s no life left to live. He says we tend to guard our property and money fiercely, but hand over our time to anyone who asks for it.

How many people do you think have been so loyal to their 9-5 jobs that they never gave it a second thought to try something different? Even if they’d talk about it, that’s as far as it would ever go. Call it loyalty if you want, but underneath it is comfort, doubt, and fear. Loyalty is just the one you can say out loud without fear of judgment.

In the Fire Service, we call this a risk assessment, commonly referred to as Risk vs. Gain. We risk a lot to save a lot. Risk a little to save a little. Risk nothing to save nothing. We apply that without hesitation to a burning building, but we hesitate to even think about applying it to a Tuesday.

Ask yourself, what is this costing me, and what am I gaining from it?

I know a guy who never takes a vacation day. He’ll work all the trades, force hires, and every call for coverage. Everyone can see the cost, including him. And if he walked away tomorrow, his spot would be filled by the end of the week. Trust me when I say, the show will still go on without you.

Remember, your job can (and will) replace you. Your family can’t.

And no matter how you cut it, your time is going somewhere, so you need to decide where.

Ask yourself: For everything you’re loyal to, how long before it’s filled? Anything filled under a month hasn’t earned your life.

Reply and let me know what you’re loyal to that you shouldn’t be.