As you navigate life, you’re going to run into scenarios that seem difficult — impossible, even. But this isn’t a signal to turn away. Rather, it’s an indication that you need to keep going. And succeeding along that path will yield more personal satisfaction than you ever thought possible. 

What is it that you keep running into? Is it the bad relationship dynamic, the weight you can’t keep off, or the project you keep abandoning? Deep down, you know these are the items you seek to change. But as humans, we tend to seek the path of least resistance. Thereby, it’s easier to turn away when things get difficult. Here’s the reality: you won’t truly be satisfied until you decide to grapple with what keeps coming up as a common theme.

It will eat at you for years and years in knowing you should have done something about it.

I feel this requires a lot of introspection. Taking time to look inward to seek what it is that you’re missing and why you keep running into the same problem is one of the most respectable things you can do. That’s because being self-critical, and further, mending your faults and inconsistencies, says more about your character than nearly anything else.

It says that you’re willing to take ownership and not blame others for things you have control over. Few people actually take the time to recognize this, and even fewer act on it — it really isn’t as common as you think.

If you’re struggling with this, here’s a reframe that may help:

What if the thing you keep failing at is the exact thing you’re supposed to learn?

Two examples I offered earlier were the bad relationship dynamic and the weight you can’t seem to shed. 

What if the bad relationship dynamic is life’s way of telling you that something isn’t right, and continuing on this path will only lead to more problems? It doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed to fail, but it is if you don’t change course.

This is the door you keep hitting, and you need to find a way through. The only way to do that is to take ownership of your actions and identify what it is that you can adjust. Because remember, relationships are a two-way street. And if you’re willing to work and they aren’t, then the door isn’t mean to be opened. And it’ll lead you to another, better door.

The weight example is next. If you’re trying hard to get fit and just can’t seem to figure it out, maybe it’s time for a change. Are your friends discouraging you from doing it because when you eat healthy and cut out alcohol you’re “no fun?” Does your work schedule make it difficult to eat appropriately and train daily?

These are obstacles, and there is a way through them (notice how I said through, not around). The first question you need to ask is, “Are my friends truly my friends if they’re not going to support me?” But the second, more important question is, “Can I put myself first because I value my own goals more than the opinions of others?”

You see, the root cause isn’t that you need new friends. While you absolutely want to be around people who support you, those people won’t show up until you present yourself as the confident, self-serving individual who values yourself enough to tactfully prioritize your own goals. The root of the issue is your ability to stay true to yourself, no matter the circumstance.

This is what looking inward looks like. And it’s what will get you through that door you keep running into.

Love yourself. Prioritize your goals. Open the door.

Identify one pattern that continues to show up in your life this year. I want you to embrace it, decipher what it’s telling you and tackle it head-on.